Journey to India

Like so many other cultures, people in India tend to say that "the past is the past" meaning we should not talk about it because it is done and irreversible. Yet, at a moment's notice, with just a little question or comment they will throw themselves into the details of some event that really hurt their feelings. They have a story to tell, a grievance to air. How shall I listen to this? It is easy to get wrapped up in the details of the story for me, as if it's a family member then I usually I know some detail as well. But I don't want to get wrapped up in the story as it is not helpful. I have heard of lies, distortions, trickery, cheating, stealing on subtle levels and not-so-subtle levels. People are dismissed, marginalized, disrespected and humiliated. The pain does not go away. It eats away at people, and when it is too much the only relief is from taking it out on a hapless victim, usually a child or a spouse. Alcohol and consumerism is also a popular venue for letting off steam. But it doesn't really help. And then when it comes time for the proverbial Thanksgiving Dinner (Canada) or Durga Puja (India) then we are all expected to put on appearances, act like one big happy family to keep some senior member of the family happy with a fake presentation of family unity. Act like all is fine, while people are seething with rage and disappointment. And often hate.