Journey to India

There is hope. I may not have had a chance to blog the good, and perhaps focussed only on the bad and the ugly. But there is much good and much hope. And many people have given of their time and resources generously to us, such as Rana Bose in Kolkata with his beautiful flat at our disposal and Ashok Singh with his ancestral home in the village of Kalakankar, where we were treated like royalty. I will elaborate as soon as I have more leisurely internet time.

 

All the positive practices of compassion, gratitude and kindness, such as thinking of three things every day to be grateful for are more imperative in India. I am challenged to remember these things here, when these are much easier to practice at home when I am surrounded by graceful forests, clean communities and mindful friends.

 

I have not been compassionate or grateful or kind on many occasions. It was not done out of malice, but rather as a strong reaction. I felt entitled to my reaction, and I still do. It is alright to feel disappointed when someone you love dearly, such as a father or mother whom you have not seen for 23 years, has progressed from a mild smoking and drinking habit to one that is so excessive that it is killing them with emphysema and cirrhosis. It is possible to love that parent and still be angry and disappointed. One is always a child in that respect, fearful of losing a loved one and angry about the downhill turn.

 

I don't have a right to expect anything of India. India is India and owes me nothing. It has a right to go to hell in handbasket. But it is the country in which I spent my formative years, and I have an emotional bond which runs deep and brings tears to my eyes. I heard recently that enlightenment was not about seeing the light (as a kind of "light") but rather accepting things the way they are. And that is why it is so difficult. "Accept India the way it is". Acceptance is not apathy, although frequently so confused. Apathy is about doing nothing about it and not caring, whereas acceptance is a kind of loving understanding of the situation. Acceptance has room for doing something about it too. I don't even know that I have accepted India as it is yet on this trip. And I am not going to be hard on myself about it. I will let myself feel what I feel, not trying to contrive my feelings to go one way or the other. And I am trying to let go of my more negative feelings... in that, I feel them but am trying to not to invest in them so I don't have to wear them like a burden.

 

I too want to imagine and support  the idea of a healed homeland. I too want to piggyback on the mulitude of good deeds and fine people I have met here who are working to make positive change. To them I take my hat off... and make my obeisances.